It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
