I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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