The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
