I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
