Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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