Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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