White coat. Heels.
I wish I could teleport
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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