I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
