We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
