Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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