where am i from again
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
