I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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