yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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