i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
