I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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