I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Randomize
