please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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