My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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