I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
