Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
