Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
