it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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