whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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