Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
