so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
