my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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