I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize
