I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
