It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
this is an emotional support booty call
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
