Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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