I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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