just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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