I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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