I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
