Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
