i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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