no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
