My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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