all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
