"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
