ya dads aren't the best wingmen
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
