it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
