Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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