How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
