im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
