Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
