Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
