There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
