I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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