So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
