Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
