The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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