Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
