just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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