At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
