I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
