Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
