I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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