First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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