The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
