He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
