he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
