if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
