Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
be right there i have to get my cape
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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