he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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