She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
