allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
