New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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