we're blogging at a bar
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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