3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
