I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
